The Bonkai Diaries
by NeverGiveUp22
Summary: "Dear diary, I winked at Bonnie today and she didn't even roll her eyes. Actually, I think she was trying not to smile. Or maybe she was just thinking about gouging out my eye. Either way, she's finally warming up to me." A collection of Kai's random and weird diary entries after returning to the real world. (And some of Bonnie's thoughts when Kai starts getting weird.)
1. Kai's Diary

**Basically, this is Kai's diary now that he's out of the prison world and trying to learn how to fit in to Mystic Falls.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 _ **Dear diary,**_

I winked at Bonnie today and she didn't even roll her eyes. Actually, I think she was trying not to smile. Or maybe she was just thinking about gouging out my eye. Either way, she's finally warming up to me.

* * *

 _ **Dear diary,**_

Today I overheard Damon and his crazy pants girlfriend fighting about the cure for vampirism. I don't see what all the fuss is about. They're both going to be equally as annoying as humans, except slower and less growly.

On a less irritating note, I found out that Bonnie can sing. She really should check her surroundings more thoroughly when she's making food in Damon's kitchen. I snuck up behind her way too easily. When I said I liked her voice better than Mariah Carey, she jumped and swung a frying pan at me. If Damon asks why there's blood on his floor, we've agreed to act innocent.

I might have a concussion. But Bonnie had to help me up from the floor so it was totally worth it.

* * *

 ** _Dear diary,_**

The ringing in my ears finally went away this morning! I told Bonnie and she seemed a little relieved, even though she promised me she'd hit me even harder the next time I snuck up on her. It reminded me of the reason why I didn't cut off her adorable head in the prison world. She's got way too much spunk to die.

Anywho, I actually had a pretty good day. It was hilarious watching Damon scrub his kitchen floor with bleach and whine about it the whole time. He's too dumb to know that it's my blood, so he thinks that Caroline did it just to mess with him. It makes it even funnier that Bonnie hasn't told him why it's there yet. Guess she's just having too much fun keeping a secret with me.

(Insert winky face sticker here.)

* * *

 _ **Dear diary,**_

Bonnie and I were stuck in the boarding house all day long because there was a hurricane outside or something. Bonnie pretended to be busy reading some old spell book.

So I went to Netflix on Damon's TV and said I was gonna watch 'High School Musical'. She must've actually been paying attention because she freaked out and said she'd hit me over the head with the book if I watched it. So I asked her what I should watch instead of that and she said 'American Psycho'.

Hey, I'll give it to her. That was pretty funny.

So she played a show called 'Sherlock' with an actor who's got a really weird name. Something that sounded like ' _Bend-a-dick, grab-a-crack'_.

Who knew people in this decade are so weird?

* * *

 _ **Dear diary,**_

I got a Facebook account today. I sent Jo a friend request but she still hasn't responded. I'll just keep poking her until she says yes.

What's the point of poking, anyways? Like who decided that jabbing somebody with your finger was a good form of online communication?

And what's a ' _bae_ '? I asked Damon and he rolled his eyes at me. I was going to google it, but then I thought 'hey, what if bae is actually a term used in modern-day porn and I accidentally give Damon's computer a virus?' Which would be _really_ bad cause with my luck, I'd accidentally click on something and then Bonnie would walk into the room while I was frantically trying to close a video of four men licking each other.

Wow, that'd be so awkward. But probably also really hilarious at the same time.

Hey, I wonder if Bonnie would get turned on. Hmm.

* * *

 ** _Dear diary,_**

Bonnie did _not_ like the video of the dudes licking each other. Actually, I think I may have shortened her life by a few years because I scared her so badly.

Poor gal, she was just trying to be a good little witch and put the grimoire back where she found it. I guess it was kinda mean of me to purposely crank up the volume so that she could hear the guys in the video moaning from across the hallway.

Oh well. The look of horror on her face was totally worth it. She looks so adorable when her mouth pops open and her eyes get really big and her voice gets so high that she makes a squeaking sound because she's embarrassed.

After I stopped laughing, it took a few minutes to convince her that I wasn't watching those videos because I liked them, but just because I wanted to get a reaction out of her. I'm still not sure if she believes me, but oh well.

Maybe next time I'll play a video with two girls!

* * *

 _ **Dear diary,**_

Bonnie reminded me yet again of the reason why I like her so much.

As payback for yesterday, when I played the porn video of the guys, she told me I had to watch something so we'd be even. So I did, of course, because why would I pass up the opportunity to sit next to Bonnie and watch her squirm around?

Ha ha. I was very wrong.

She started playing a video of two girls kissing and taking off each other's clothes. Which shocked me, like a lot, because wow. Didn't see that one coming from sweet little Bon. But then they got out this cup and started to –

I'm not even getting into that. I want bleach to wash out my brain. Even _I'm_ not that disgusting, and I've lopped off my own head with a guillotine before!

Anywho, she laughed at me because I started gagging. Then she made another squeaking noise because I pretended to almost puke on her. I'm never getting the images in that video out of my brain, like ever, but it took guts to watch that video, so I forgive her.

Note to self: delete Damon's computer history before he gets back tonight.

* * *

 _ **Dear diary,**_

Well, I sort of forgot about that note to myself and Damon got quite the shock yesterday. He freaked out and got all _rawr grr hiss_ with me because I was laughing at him when he clicked on the video to figure out what it was. I think he threw up in his mouth a little bit.

I fell off my chair laughing at him, which actually hurt a little bit. But then it hurt worse because he started to choke me. But I hit him over the head with a vase and then escaped the boarding house. I had to beg Bonnie to call him and tell him she's the one who brought up the video on his computer. She made me promise to never watch anything involving nudity when she was ever around, and I had to promise or else I was afraid Damon would tear out my liver. Then probably make me eat it. Then make me throw it up and –

Ok no, I'm not - that's not even - no. Just no.

Think happy thoughts! Think of peanut butter and jam on Bonnie!

Um, I mean on bread. Yeah, peanut butter and jam on bread.

(Insert winky face sticker here.)

* * *

 _ **Dear diary,**_

I had an amazing dream last night. I'm not gonna go into the dirty details, but let's just say that it involved a very pretty witch and jam.

Nuf' said.

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 **Soo we can all agree that this was all pretty random. Leave a review with your thoughts and tell me if I should continue this madness. ;)**


	2. Bonnie's Diary

**Sooo I finally got around to writing this. Sorry that it's not very long! But hey, it's Bonnie's POV. Enjoy! ;)**

* * *

 **Dear Diary,**

Kai is really starting to creep me out today, even more so then usual, and _that's_ saying something. He randomly showed up this morning with a box of fancy chocolates and a bouquet of roses, smiling like the idiot I know and loathe. Then he acted heartbroken when I got annoyed because he wanted to feed each other chocolate! What kind of a weirdo does that?!

Then tonight, I walked into the Salvatore's house and none of the lights would turn on. After Kai scared the ever living crap out of me by sneaking up behind me, covering my eyes, and saying 'guess who?', he forced me to go into the kitchen. I honestly shouldn't have been surprised when I saw the candles he'd lit and placed on the dining table, along with Stefan's most treasured antique china collection. And what had he cooked and put on the hundred-year-old plates? Grilled cheese. Kai cooked grilled cheese sandwiches and put them on Stefan's china.

Then, when I asked him why the lights weren't working and why he'd cooked me dinner, he use his annoying-happy voice and said, (and I _quote_ ) "Oh, I read on one of those mommy-blogs that a candlelight dinner is the way to go. So since I didn't want any of the lights on, I fried the breaker with a set of jumper cables. I know, I know. It sounds really complicated, but don't worry, Bon. I actually had fun with it. Oh, I cooked dinner because we have to eat! Ya' know, being human, and whatnot. It would be really annoying to me, having to eat every couple of hours because my stomach won't stop growling, but food tastes _so good_." I immediately told him that he was insane, to which he responded, "No kidding."

Because he whined and complained at me – and used his puppy-dog eyes to make me feel guilty – I begrudgingly sat down across the table from him and we began eating our grilled cheese.

In summary: This has been one of the weirdest days of my life. And _that's_ saying something.

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 **Thanks for reading! Leave a review with your thoughts on Kai trying to be romantic. ;)**


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